I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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