Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
