just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
