i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
