when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
