Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
