K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
