god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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