I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
