But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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