I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think my moral compass just broke
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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