I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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