Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
