next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
