That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
