Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
