I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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