I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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