I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
