We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
