he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
