she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
