come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
