we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
