so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
