its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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