it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I look better un-naked...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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