oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
