He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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