Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
