I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it glows. i had to have it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
