She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
