i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love you. Go after that dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
