You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
