I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
