this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
