Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
