She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?