i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
