I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?