Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
