How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
