every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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