Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
