omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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