a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...