what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering