final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.