So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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