If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize