he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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