She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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