she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
