i drank out of a bidet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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