if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
