I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
