Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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