Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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