If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
