so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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