Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize