I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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