Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
