Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
