Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
