PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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