Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
